dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
