And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
