Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
