he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
