Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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