So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
