cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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