I like my sex mixed with concussions.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize