Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
