It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
