I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He better not be in your backpack
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
