It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
