dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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