I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
