im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize