I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
