Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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