Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
