Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
