What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
