As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
