so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
