I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
