i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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