My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
