I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
