i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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