we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize