Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
