And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
