A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Randomize
