dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
