corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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