I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
