This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
