Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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