When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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