Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize