Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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