Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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