i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
