omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
