I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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