I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
