so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
