Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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