pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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