I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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