i think my mom watched the whole time
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
