i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
