Porn is love you can see.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
