i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
