My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
50% drunk capacity currently
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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