I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize