DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
