I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
