Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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