In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I touched a dick in church today
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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