When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
A+ Viking dick
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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