I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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