Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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