There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
