obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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