i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize