Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
