I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
