OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
