4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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