This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
