You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
