You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
