someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
