And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize