Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
