I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
