Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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