Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
