I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
