I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
