FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
