Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
