at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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