I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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