Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
