I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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