never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
