I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
