i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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