I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
