Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize