God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
