Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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