Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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