Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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