You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
