so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
