my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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