i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
