I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did you pee in the oven last night??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
