P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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