I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
