I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My legs feel like baby dolphins
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
