Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
His nipple licking is glorious
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