He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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