he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
