had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
