im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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